Zambia’s Disregarded Tobacco Crisis: The Disturbing Transformation of Thriving Lives into a Growing Pile of Lifeless Skeletons…in The Kashiki Chronicles

By Bratelli Lupokoma

Greetings once again from the Matenda Facilitating Epidemic Zone (MaFEZ), the home of Ba Zungu Tobacco (BZT) and the Big Kashiki family.
It has been more than a week since the jaw-dropping spooky revelation, but the nation is still trying to come to terms with the discovery of a skeleton tucked away in a room on a bed -complete with beddings and all, at a house in Lusaka’s Garden Compound. The remains belonged to a husband, whose wife living in the same house with three adult children, insisted he had passed away from “natural causes” and that she had received “spiritual instructions” to keep him in that state.
This utterly shocking and ghastly saga resurrects the well-known saying “Skeletons in the closet”
Douglas Harper’s Etymology dictionary- a trustworthy resource that provides the history and origins of words and phrases, hints that the phrase has its roots in 17th-century Europe. During this time, it was not uncommon for wealthy families to hide the bodies of deceased family members in closets or hidden rooms to avoid the expense and social stigma of a public funeral.
Over time, the phrase evolved to become a metaphor for hidden secrets or shameful family histories. Today, “skeletons in the closet” refers to any dark, embarrassing, or incriminating information that someone might want to keep concealed.
Big Tobacco’s Skeleton Filled Closet
The tobacco industry’s closet overflows with incriminating hidden skeletons… and ashtrays, and nicotine-stained secrets! For decades, they have been blowing smoke (pun intended) about the safety of their products. However, the truth is finally coughing its way out. Big Tobacco has perfected the art of illusion, from claiming that cigarettes are as harmless as a stroll in the park to downplaying nicotine’s ability to ensnare you like a spider in its web. Their “good guy” persona is nothing more than a smoke screen, obscuring the truth with a puff of deceit. It is time to clear the air and expose the skeletons in their closet – or rather, the carcinogens and other “munthu-to-skeleton” transforming concoctions in their products.
Here in Zambia, the tobacco industry has a closet or perhaps more appropriately, a graveyard of secrets, with over 7,000 souls departing each year due to ailments linked to tobacco use. If we rewind to 2018, when the Investment Case for Tobacco Control legislation was being pieced together, the tally rises to a staggering 42,000 skeletons lurking in the “Kashiki industry” closet. This closet could rival the largest stadiums in Zambia in terms of capacity. Picture this: Heroes Stadium is packed to the rafters with skeletons of all shapes and sizes! These are the Zambians, who succumb to tobacco-related causes each year.
Manje hey, who cares! The abnormal pa Zed has become normal!
Perhaps as the woman in Garden Compound ignored all reason and morality regarding her husband’s remains, the decision to ignore Zambia’s mass munthu-to-skeleton transformation is “a spiritual agreement” by the tobacco industry and the powers that be.
Meanwhile, we, the Kashiki family, proudly residing in the bustling Matenda Facilitating Epidemic Zone (MaFEZ)—the proud domicile of Ba-Zungu Tobacco (BZT) and Lolenti Himpiliyo (LH)—continue to hold our esteemed license to produce twenty Zambian skeletons daily, and more than 7,000 annually.